What Kind of Behaviour Do We Reward?

We teach children to be kind, treat others with respect, and stand up against bullying. Yet look at the behaviour we sometimes tolerate, excuse, or even celebrate in adults. Public humiliation becomes entertainment. Cruel remarks earn laughter and applause. People gain attention and influence by belittling others. There is a troubling contradiction between the values we teach and the behaviour we reward. And it raises an uncomfortable question: Are we modelling the very conduct we tell children to reject?

Human decency is not about being agreeable, avoiding conflict, or pretending everyone deserves our approval. We can challenge harmful ideas, confront unacceptable behaviour, and hold people accountable while still respecting their humanity. Disagreement does not require humiliation. Conviction does not justify cruelty. In fact, the strength of our values is often revealed most clearly when someone challenges them. Decency is not measured by how we treat people who agree with us. It is tested by how we treat those who don’t.

Our behaviour is influenced by the reactions of others. This is part of what psychologists call social reinforcement. When ridicule earns laughter, hostility attracts admiration, or humiliation brings influence, those responses can encourage the behaviour to continue. But reinforcement works in both directions. We can recognize someone who responds respectfully under pressure, support a person being mistreated, or refuse to join in when others are mocked. Even small responses can help establish expectations about what is acceptable. We don’t just reveal our values through our own behaviour. We help shape the behaviour of others through what we choose to encourage.

Human decency is not a permanent achievement that society can take for granted. Every generation inherits examples of how people treat one another, but also helps establish the standards it passes along. We cannot control everyone else’s choices, and we cannot always intervene safely or effectively. But we can examine the behaviour we admire, the conduct we excuse, and the examples we set. Human decency doesn’t survive on good intentions. It survives because people practise it, defend it, and refuse to reward behaviour that destroys it.

We teach children that bullying is wrong. Are we prepared to hold ourselves, and the adults we admire, to the same standard?